Pretzel Logic
The Twisted Shapes We Create to Fit In
One of the songs on my current favorite playlist is “Wilson,” by Fall Out Boy. While I love the tune, it’s the lyrics that grab me. The best one is “I became such a strange shape — such a strange shape — from trying to fit in.”
As a career coach I talk to a lot of people who are in various states of frustration about their jobs and their future. Many — especially today — are between jobs as a result of Covid. Some are in jobs that pay the bills but any passion is long gone — if there was any to start. Others are simply waiting for the axe to fall and trying to be proactive.
Whatever the situation, each is looking for something different. Something that relights the fire of engagement — being passionate about work is important to a lot of people. Others want a better lifestyle. I have one client who works 14 hours a day, six days a week. He’s making great money, but his kids are strangers. And he knows this can’t go on for much longer.
Virtually all of them are emotionally exhausted from bending themselves into unnatural shapes as they attempt fit into the corporate mold. Americans work more hours than any other first-world country. We take less time off, and even when we do, we take our work with us. We see our jobs as extensions of who we are, or even what we do as what we are. Our employment is our value, to ourselves and to others. What’s strange is how hard we will work to build wealth and equity for someone else.
Sound like anyone you know?
Research shows that about three-quarters of working adults have thought about starting a business of their own. More than 90 percent of those never go beyond dreaming about it. The number one reason I hear is that they don’t know what to do first, or how to go about it. They continue to trade their dreams for a paycheck as they twist themselves into shapes that are barely recognizable as human.
In my coaching practice I talk to scores of people like this every month. We talk about frustrations, about unreasonable expectations, about years without a raise, about micro-managing bosses, and then about the future.
In every case I offer the same thing: an opportunity to look at possibilities for a better future. No cost, no obligation. I’m not selling anything, I don’t charge for my service, and no one signs an agreement to work with me. Yet less than 20 percent of the people I speak with take me up on my offer.
Some think it’s a scam (it’s not — we’ve been around 35 years). Many are wondering what the catch is (spoiler alert — there isn’t a catch). But most are just unwilling to invest an hour a week to learn.
“I’m happy in my current career,” they tell me as I am looking at their resume posted on Indeed.
“I’m too busy,” they say, right after they tell me they spend hours on LinkedIn fruitlessly applying for jobs.
“I’m not interested in learning about anything else,” they claim. This one I believe.
Americans spend an average of two hours and six minutes per day on social media, and four hours watching television. Both of these stats are pre-pandemic, and have likely increased drastically. Yet somehow there isn’t enough time to learn about possibilities.
People are loath to change behavior. An outside push is needed. For many with whom I work, that push was out the door of their last job. But even then, the apparent comfort and safety of another corporate role is more appealing than striking out as an entrepreneur. So they trudge on, bumping into the same wall, never thinking that a change in direction might be the answer.
Fear is real, and fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all. But when offered the chance to educate themselves, most say no. Maybe it’s easier to live with the fear. Maybe a greater fear lies beyond that knowledge: the fear of being dependent on ourselves and our efforts instead of someone we can blame when things go wrong.
To borrow from another song, this is pretzel logic at its finest. The twisted reasons we create to avoid getting out of our box is just one more strange shape we create to make the world of our discomfort feel normal.
